Esther...

I imagine myself being Esther. I used to think it was easy being Esther doing the will of God but as i read the book again, i imagine myself in a foreign land. away from everyone you trust. A new friend of mine says that she does not want to go far away because she does not want to be away from people. I think of the fact that i have never really gone far away from home but then it was not her choice, Israel had betrayed God one too many times. 

I imagine being a girl of 18 in a strange land and this fierce king whom we have heard of, who has conquered Ethiopia  China, Arabia is looking for a new queen, says his previous queen has disgraced him and a 1000 of us young ones are going to have a chance to be the new queen. I really don't want to be married to a heathen but Mordecai my father's brother who has cared for me for as long as i remember counsels me to go ahead with it. God is mad at us (Israelites) we have spent years under king after king steadily disobeying God and now he has led us into captivity, prophecy says after about 700 years or so we will return to Jerusalem but as far as i can remember we have been in this heathen land and it is so hostile my knees quake but Jehovah keeps me standing.

I imagine myself preparing myself for the king, my face, lips, fingertips, hips, legs, thighs, all of me is attended in preparation for the king. Those twelve months, all i think about day and night is the king and how i will please him, i listen carefully as Memucan (a eunuch) tells me of the king. He tells me of his likes/dislikes, his favorite food, games, his habits, what he likes to talk about, i am being trained by royalty to please royalty. I wait in fear and anticipation for my night with the king. I watch as many girls go in excited and come out crying as  they had not pleased the king well enough; but they are to spend the rest of the years as the king's concubine. As i watch, i pray because i know many of the girls are far more beautiful and far smarter than i am, some caught the king's whim for a time but could not hold it, i wonder what i will do.

The night i went to the king, i hardly remember because it was all a haze, all i know is that i did not ask for anything that Memucan did not send to me and i obtained favor in the sight of all who looked upon me. The king loved me,he loved me above 999 other women who had been specially prepared so only Jehovah could have distinguished me so. I received grace and favor from him. I became queen in a foreign land but it was known to no one because Mordecai had said i should disclose my race to no one. One day Mordecai saved the king, two men had plotted to assassinate the king but Mordecai had discovered this and the king was spared.

Until along came proud Haman who loved be worshiped and fawned over, he had the worship of everyone except Mordecai. God had told us through Moses at Mount Sinai that we must not worship any other God but Him and even in a foreign land, we obeyed. Mordecai stood out for this but instead of being rewarded, it brought persecution, Haman would not have it.

He plotted the killing of our entire race and Mordecai to be killed in the gallows at his house. Mordecai came to me and informed me that it is possible that this is the hand of God that God may be wanting 'me' to stand so the Jews could be saved.

But no one knew i was a Jew and Mordecai would not tell if i demanded it of him, but then the other side of my desire to save myself, all the Jews would be destroyed but God had left us all of these days, it could just be one more tragedy, what difference would saving their lives mean?


Point: Esther stood at the time God needed her to, she taught her maids to pray, she influenced the people around her. There was no 'slouching' when she had to go to Xerxes to speak for her people and yet she wasn't quick to speak. In the end, it was God who woke King Xerxes at night and reminded him of what Mordecai had done years ago in saving the King. That means that Mordecai did not think the King ought to die for coming to take them as exiles from Israel to be slaves in a foreign land.
Mordecai was faithful to the heathen king, he protected his life. God showed up and woke Xerxes and then Esther planned the dinner for Haman and the King and still did not say anything.
Nor was she 'eyeing' Haman with hostility cos the king would have noticed, she trusted in the fact that her God would intervene and that her life and destiny was in His hands.


Haman made a stupid move that made the king think he was going to molest the queen. The king was already angry before Esther informed him at the right moment of the plan of Mordecai to annihilate her people.
Let me tell you what i think, God was divinely orchestrating things; Esther could not have stopped Haman's plan with her wisdom, Mordecai could not have stopped Haman's plan with his wisdom alone, they had to trust that God was working with them in a step-by-step process to save the Jews because of His covenant with them.


My covenant with God ensures that He is at work in my life; that all of the wisdom that i have cannot ensure the move of God in my life. The covenant ensures that He is involved in the day-to-day activities of every step that i take and every word that i say. He is working along with all the Mordecai's and the Haman's in my life and His purpose in my life will stand. He is working in all the Xerxes's in my life to ensure that His covenant with me secures my future and that of my loved ones.
Nothing in my life is chance, he is working in everything and filling up the spaces where i fall short and making the path i walk smooth.
He is in my life. Period!


Thank you Jesus for your covenant with me, it is more precious than anything i could ever possess and it is not even tangible but i know that i have it!

(c)Tisha Smith

In my shoes - Part 3

...Are you still holding onto your integrity, Curse God and die!




To be honest, I expected Job to strike me, maybe even kill me for the blasphemy I uttered. He has never raised his h and to me but If I had learnt anything from the years I had been his wife, it was that Job loved his God with all of his heart and absolutely nothing came before him. I never had reason to object to this Job’s love for God only made his love for me stronger; but to watch Job sitting in dust like a beggar was more than I could take, why wasn’t he angry?.


Instead of the physical reaction I expected, he slowly turned his head to me and stared at me, his hazel eyes boring into my soul as if searching for something. For a few seconds that felt like a lifetime, he just held my gaze without a word. Finally, maybe after not finding what he was looking for and all of a sudden weary, he gently sighed and said “You talk like a foolish woman. Should we accept only good things from the hand of God and never anything bad?" And with that gentle statement, he withdrew back into himself, mute again.


Don’t think I haven’t heard the rumours?







Some of you think I uttered those words because I hated Job, while others think I did it because I hated God. Oh, lets not forget those who think I said it because I was done with this marriage and according to law the only way I could get out of it was if I became a widow. Ha! Did anyone ever stop to wonder what it must have been like to be me; walk a mile in my shoes? Have you ever woken up in a nightmare that had no end? In one day I lost EVERYTHING I had. I became a poor, barren; hey, I might as well have became a widow because since all this happened, my husband has barely said a handful of words; leaving me to daily fight the sorrow in my heart without a husband to hold me up.


I am sure you heard about Job’s three friends coming by to comfort him; but did you ever hear of anyone coming to comfort me? I was alone...to bear the pain and sorrow. How quick we are to judge each other; why is it easier to tear me down than to try and understand me. I am sure I am not the only woman in this room who has uttered foolishness in haste be it from anger, pain or emotions. I am not trying to justify my sins, I just want you to see my side... to step out of your comfortable shoes and walk a day in mine.


(c)Inthemidstofher

My Shoes...Part 2

“Job...Job...”


It was my own screaming that woke me up from a night of disturbed sleep. I didn’t remember much and the scenes of the previous day came back in broken fragments; each one ripping into my heart anew. I didn’t know why I had awoken and if I was truthful, I had wished to never see the light of day again. How could my whole life be completely demolished; all between the rising and setting of the sun? How could Job’s God whom he worshiped with all heart let this happen?


I remember when I first met Job,my family were normads who traveled around selling goat's milk and camel hide. He traded with my father a number of times and from his honest tradings, my father grew to respect him and eventually became his friend. One thing the whole town knew about Job was that he was passionate about his God. He wasn’t the God of my people but that did nothing to prevent me from falling in love with him. His passion, trust and love for his God was so infectious that my father had no problems letting me marry and live so far away from my people. My betrothal ceremony was the happiest day of my life and even though I kept my gaze down as customary; I still stole glances of Job out of the corner of my eyes.



“Wife of my youth”, that was his nickname for me and as he gave me a tour of his fields and property he continued “There is absolutely nothing my God cannot do. He has blessed me with EVERYTHING you see here”.

That day seemed a lifetime away; and the pleasures of those days were now replaced with anguish and sorrow. I pushed the memories away as the tears began. God had blessed Job...us...with everything I had seen that day; I now wondered why this same God had taken it away.

As I walked outside, afar off I noticed that he was still in the crumpled pile he had fallen into yesterday. He hadn’t moved and as I got closer, I noticed something was different. As I approached him, a stench I had previously dismissed as probably from a dog that must have died somewhere; got stronger. When I finally got to him, the stench was unbearable and giant flies, the same always seen hovering around corpses surrounded him. At that moment, he turned and looked at me; I screamed in horror. My husband, my tall, handsome, strong husband was now covered in raw moist boils! Each one red, oozing pus with a putrid smell; these boils must have been fiercely itchy because he had converted a broken shard of clay into a tool with which he frantically scratched himself. I watched in horror as each boil he targeted oozed pus and left behind a raw patch of bleeding skin. Not one inch of his body was spared from this ordeal


“Job...Job”

My sobs punctuating each word I spoke. For a moment which felt like a lifetime, there was silence between us.I watched him laying pitifully in a pile of dust, in the same robe he was wearing when our life as we know it came to a brutal halt; the same robe barely hanging on to his now frail fame; partly because he had torn it in two in his grief but also because he had grown so thin and frail. As I took this sight, I felt the little bit of life left in me drain away. I couldn’t even cry, there were no more tears left within me. WHAT DID I HAVE LEFT? In one day, my family’s livelihood, gone, washed away like an empty gourd left haphazardly by a river. My children, their laughter that was a constant sound in my home now faded away like an echo on a hill. My husband, all I had left... now gone, his strong embrace which had always found a way to lift my soul now replaced by a shadow of his former self. WHAT DID I HAVE LEFT??? NOTHING!!! WHAT WAS THERE TO LIVE FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! What was I still doing on this earth, in this life? There was nothing left for me and as I thought of this, a weird peace fell upon me for it had just dawned upon me what I had to do next. It was time for me to join my forefathers, time to travel to the land where I would no longer feel anymore. It was time for me to die! Yes, I wanted to die.



All of a sudden, as I thought these words, I got this feeling within me, this searing hot sensation that initially almost made me double over in pain. As this foreign sensation took my breath away, leaving me dizzy and confused I tried to decipher what was going on within me. Sadness?... no it wasn’t that...I had been living within that emotion for the last 2 days, this was different...this was rage and it welled up in me till I couldn’t take it anymore. Looking directly at Job, my curled lips curled could barely hold back the sarcasm laden questions within; and that's when I did it! That's when I looked him in the eyes and spat out...



To be continued...


(c)Inthemidstofher

My Shoes...

“...Just curse God and die!”

Talk about setting your future on a couple of words! This is the story of how five words not only marred my image possibly forever but also took me on a journey I did not expect.

Listen, I know you might not want to hear what I have to say but I DO have a story. I know the picture my infamous words painted of me were ugly but for one minute... just a sec.... take off your comfortable, judgmental shoes and slip on mine.

The day that changed my life forever started as a normal day; laughter waffling through our compounds as my children prepared for the day. Today was a special day; my eldest son was throwing a huge feast for his siblings and although my husband Job had innumerable servants, I was never one to leave anything to do with my children in their hands. I love being a helpmeet to my husband; I truly do, but there was just something extra special about being a mother. The God of my husband had blessed me with 10 beautiful children; 7 boys who were my joy and 3 beautiful girls who were my laughter. Rather than spend my mornings tending our sheep, camels and thousands of other animals, my husband’s wealth provided servants and allowed me to spend my days with my children.

My Children...My greatest joy.

With my children all prepared and off to the feast, a certain quiet descended on the compound. It was a sweet silence and I immediately released a breath of relief. With them gone, I could finally take a step back and relax. I was going to nap for a while and then go see what Job was up too. After I was rested and preparing lunch, I saw man on a horse, visibly in a hurry rush into our compound and in a blink of an eye my life changed.

... “a messenger arrived at Job's home with this news: "Your oxen were plowing, with the donkeys feeding beside them, when the Sabeans raided us. They stole all the animals and killed all the farmhands. I am the only one who escaped to tell you." While he was still speaking, another messenger arrived with this news: "The fire of God has fallen from heaven and burned up your sheep and all the shepherds. I am the only one who escaped to tell you." While he was still speaking, a third messenger arrived with this news: "Three bands of Chaldean raiders have stolen your camels and killed your servants. I am the only one who escaped to tell you." While he was still speaking, another messenger arrived with this news: "Your sons and daughters were feasting in their oldest brother's home. Suddenly, a powerful wind swept in from the wilderness and hit the house on all sides. The house collapsed, and all your children are dead. I am the only one who escaped to tell you."

I was numb! It had to be a cruel joke; my daughters, beautiful and graceful were dead? On my hands, I could still smell the olive oil I had brushed into their hair and the shea butter I has smoothed onto their feet. No, this couldn’t be happening! My sons, tall and brave; spitting images of their father...dead? No! I could not...would not... believe this. I waited for Job’s reaction; actually picked up a rock with the hope that as Job slapped this servant for his cruel joke, I would stone him simultaneously for his outrageous boldness. It was when I saw my husband stand up with a wild almost feral scream of grief, ripping his robe in shreds that I felt it and knew in my heart that it was true. In one day, my life evaporated. As the grief rocked me, the last thing I remember seeing before slipping into the merciful darkness of unconsciousness was my husband’s head covered in blood as he used a jagged piece of a gourd he just smashed to shave his hair off.

To be continued...


(c)Inthemidstofher

Nothing Shall Be Impossible...

There are redeemed Eves ready to crush the head of the serpent;

Widows of Zarephath's waiting for breakthroughs;

Mrs Manoahs dealing with a wayward Samson;

Sarahs and Hannahs waiting for their Isaac and Samuels;

Ruths waiting for their Boaz;

Rahabs trusting for acceptance and redemption;

Deborahs facing a world of men;

Abigails dealing with shrewed husbands;

Leahs unloved and second bests;

Marys who are impossibly pregnant;

And as with these women and many more;

let me assure that

with God NOTHING shall be impossible...NOTHING.

"And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord." Luke 1:45