(Warning! This is not a hard and fast character piece but I pray it blesses the 'Faith Dames' family because I see that many of us are still living 'under this curse'.)
There was a season in my life when I had major beef with Adam and Eve. Especially with Eve. And then when I got through vexing with Eve, I faced God. I could not understand his curses over her at all. I mean I could see how making childbirth tough was a punishment (I mean I have survived three after all and women of God, labour is a serious punishment!) but I just could not understand the second part of God's curse over Eve. Listen:
'....Yet, you will long for your husband and he will rule over you' (Genesis 3: 16b)
How is that a curse? Who else was Eve meant to long for? I would ask myself. Another version says 'your desire will be for your husband'. I did not get it. Who else was she meant to desire? I pondered. How was this a punishment? Was God trying to be funny? Ladies, he was not. Trust me. Let me explain.
You see God answered all my pondering in a way I could never forget. He used my own life, my own relationship with my mgm to show me just how horrible a curse this was. For a long time, my husband was my 'god'. I wanted to be ALL that he wanted me to be. Do all that he wanted me to do and act in all the ways he thought I should act. His every wish was my command. Did it make ours the best marriage in the world. Not one bit. For only God deserves that kind of obeisance. And then to make matters worse, I felt that since I was doing ALL that to make him happy, he in turn HAD to make me happy by loving me more than life itself. I mean, here I was doing all these things to make you happy so why are you not loving me like I want. Why don't you want to stay home with me? You put your work, your ambition, your desire to excel above me! Why do you keep hurting me like this? Why don't you get me? I feel so insignificant in your life. Why don't you talk to me like I want? In short, WHY oh why do I still feel so lonely. I long for you to be here with me making me happy!!!!
What was going on?
Your Papa Adam and Mama Eve ate the apple! That's what! And the perfect relationship we were meant to have as men and women went up in flames as the pieces of chomped up apple went down their throats. You see, pre-apple eating, Adam and Eve had a wonderful relationship with God. Their relevance, significance and value was not tied up in each other. No, it was tied up in who they were, INDIVIDUALLY, in God. And because Adam and Even knew who they were in God, they were able to relate with each other in loving, peaceful harmony. Post-apple Adam was busy sweating, too busy ploughing the ground to have time for his wife and Eve was catapulted into a period of longing.
So do you see now how come God condemning Eve to a life long quest of 'longing for her husband' could be a curse? It's because our desire is not meant to be for any man. Our desire, our longing is meant to be for God. Yes, you got it. God is meant to be the object of our longing. It is God that gives us relevance, significance and value. Only God. So if you are single and you still believe that you are not complete because you are not yet married, you are living under Eve's curse. If you are married and are still in a situation where every single comment or action from your mgm causes you to sink into a blue flunk and think that all life is lost (I used to be like that), then you might tell me that God is the controller of your life but you lie. Your hubby is still your 'god'. No man should have that much power over you as to control or drive the way you view your God-given life.
What am I trying to say in all of this. I think Mama Eve has done her own damage. We should let it stop with us. God has placed a divine vacuum in our hearts as women that ONLY He can fill. Until we do that, until we give our lives to Christ for real and make God the object of our desires, we will continue to have issues in our relationships. Like I said, I learnt all of this the hard way. You don't have to. Love God first with all your heart and then let your love for your husband or husband-to-be flow out from that love. Only God can complete you. Only God's love in you can help you love your hubby deeply. Unconditionally. Like He loves you.
And do you realise something about Eve's story. She had no name BEFORE the fall. She was just 'The Woman'. Adam named her AFTER the curses fell.....He named her Eve and guess what Eve means? Life. For she was to be the mother of every living person. Do you know what that says to me? I don't know but without being overly 'spiri' about it all, I just think it means if we have been doing it all wrong up until TODAY. If you have been making some man your God. If you have been seeking your relevance, significance or value from some man. If you have been seeking to fill that hole in your heart trying to please man rather than God Or if you have just been 'eating apples' in disobedience to God.......TODAY, you can drop the apples and turn to God in repentance. He will fix you and his LIFE will burst forth in and over you.
Yes, inspite of this curse, if each of us women take our relationships with God back to the pre-apple eating era in the Garden of Eden, where God was numero uno, then we too can enjoy loving, peaceful and harmonious relationships.
(c)Desperate Naija Woman
Word!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
wooowwww, this is sooo sooo insightful. I am still single and I believe lessons learnt from this post is going to be of a great benefit to me
ReplyDelete@HoneyDame: To God alone be the glory. Thank you!
ReplyDelete@ilola: You just made my evening cos I would hate for any of you who are single to go through what i went through BEFORE I got it! Now, I can honestly tell you that I have a marriage that is 'like heaven' BECAUSE God is my number one....When God happens to you for real....you are able to love....no strings attached and that is what marriages need....Thank you so so so much!
Thought provoking!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Hmm, Hmmm am awestruck!
ReplyDeleteThis is a sure WORD very necessary for someone like me. Only GOD can fill that hole while I express all my love to Him then he will help me L♥√ع my "mgm" to be. [τ̲̅н̲̅a̲̅nκ̲̅ ч̲̅o̲̅u̲̅] for sharing,will pray till I have this ironed into me thoroughly
I hope so Gbemisoke. Many of us have gone through somethings for a reason...I believe mine is so that no one has to make the same mistakes. You can make fresh ones of your own but please not the same ones I made!
ReplyDelete@Ennybees-hub: I am so glad to hear that. Please pray for us all. The truth is I find that this works for ALL our relationships and not just marriage. When we know who were in God, people's opinions/actions/treatment of us may hurt but they dont ruin us to the point of wanting to retaliate or keep malice cos we see that remaining in God's love is more important than 'showing' that rude lady at the customer service desk spoke rudely to us! Lol!
"You can make fresh ones of your own but please not the same ones I made"
ReplyDeletePowerful statement!!
My mum used to say the same thing, but in a different way. She would say "Experience is the best teacher, but why learn the hard way when you can learn from other peoples' experiences"
Sharing your own experiences so that others can learn from them can only come from a heart that has walked with God and grown.
Thank you again.
I am a man,but this was very helpful.A very expository post you have there!
ReplyDeleteGood teaching!
ReplyDeleteGbemisoke: Your mom is so right and so wise. Thanks for your kind words. I dont know it all but there are things that are cast in stone for me and one of them is that God's love DOES conquer all. Jesus really is the answer cos Jesus is love.
ReplyDelete@A-9ja-Great: Thank you. I had to go and check the meaning of the word 'expository' cos all I did was speak from my heart. But thank you so much. Please promise me that you will use anything that makes sense from this in your relationships.you see now how we women 'miss it' sometimes. It would be nice if you,as a man, 'got it'. For a man who gets who he is in God does not need a woman to lord it over. He is so full of God's love that all he wants to do 'is love his wife as he himself is loved'.
@Ms. Buki: To God alone be all the glory!
Oh my! I never thought about this at all...
ReplyDeleteThis is one of the best posts i have read in a long time,it took me 10 yrs to get it, my marriage is now in its 12th year,funny enough for the past 2 months,my past keeps playing thru my mind and am like 'so that's where i got it wrong'.My love for my husband was so strong that i didnt realise it was dangerous,cos he didnt act the same way.Lets just say I thank God we have always been close and GOD just saw that these ones need to be together or else.I am older,wiser and trying so hard everyday to put GOD first before my fears, worries, doubts etc and i am so happy now cos i know my life has changed in so many ways.
ReplyDeleteLovely
ReplyDeleteSo i should put God above my dear husband (when i d get married, that is!)
I'll try to remember when i get there.
If i love God enough, then i will be completed and not always be needy about being assured of my husband's love. Wow, those are big shoes to fill but i'll be ready when i get there.
Dear Anony: I love love love your testimony....Glory be to God! May the Lord pour even more of his love into you....as you see, it is not the world's way BUT the rewards are immense.
ReplyDelete@Tisha: Yes dia, in a nutshell, that is about it....but please be warned that your flesh will fight you oh! Its default setting is 'me me and more me'.....but if you mean it in your heart, God will see it and help you......its a process.......but we can do it....if it were not possible, God will ask us to do it.....It was the original plan......
I enjoyed reading your article and you raised some interesting points. I would like to contribute by saying "A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man needs to seek HIM in order to FIND her."
ReplyDeleteGbam! Simon you nailed it! And all I would add to that is this: When the man finds God through the woman lost in God both of them should stay there- Lost in God.Tx Simon!
ReplyDeleteWow! DNW this very deep. Thanks for sharing this revelation. God's people really do perish from lack of knowledge.
ReplyDeletei just read this, and I must confess, it is eye-opening. even though i want and need to be submissive to my man , God must be the head of all things ,definitely not my man.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this post, was quite on point I must say...no man should be made our all in all, not even our husbands...only God is that big
ReplyDeleteThis piece just explained a lot to me right now. God bless you
ReplyDelete@Koinonia: I just thank God we NOW know and may God help us to keep this close to our hearts in all our relationships. Especially we ladies, we are all COMPLETE just as we are........in Christ.
ReplyDelete@Rahabmemoirs: Yes, God First. Lately I have begun to move him from just being 'The First' (cos it felt like once I put him first, then I could just leave him and go on with the rest of my day..... So I place him at 'My Centre'. So that he is ever present and, as he helps me ALL I do each day emanates from my Centre where God dwells....so I am that much more Christlike. I dont always get it.....but as long as I am conscious of Him.....I am being a better me.
@jhamyn: I like that 'Only God is THAT Big'..True.
@Klusterville: God bless you too. I am glad. If you know how much my life in marriage got AFTER I understood this.....Koinonia is so right, ignorance kills!
hmm i am late to the show but this post made sense! u hear women say "ah everything we do, is it not for this men" such a wrong statement! it shld be God first in our lives, then our husbands after....
ReplyDeletethat is why some women are stuck in abusive relationships because they dont think they can survive without the man. lie!! from the pit of hell!!!
hmmmmm feeling this post men!!!
Interesting how the word of God can be twisted to meet our current needs. In marriage counseling class, I found this passage sooooo confusing! The pastor had to ask us to come see him after class, cos I just could not let it go! lol. I never did "see" him, though.
ReplyDeleteHe used this Gen. 3.16 to explain how we must place our husbands first. He went on to say that if we put our husbands first, then the husband too will love us (A passage in Ephesians talks about wives honoring, Husbands loving).
Even then, I always thought "Shebi God's word said I should seek HIM first, and everything else will be added onto me... Are you saying put my spouse at the same level as God? Do you assume Oh, you already have God, so now your husband must be the focal point?"
Thank you for posting this. Now I get it! I especially like what Simon said up there. I intend to pass this on to my daughter.
PS: Aloted directed me here.
Genesis 3, to Satan and Adam, "Because you did this", does not say that to "the woman" ( who does not get her name till just after the fall hmmm), and Satan is cursed and the ground is cursed because of what Adam did, says so eh? no curse is used to anything "the woman" did.....The Lord does “not” say to “the woman” because you did not listen to your husband.
ReplyDeleteif Adam was "not deceived", then what happened that made Adam eat of it also? because as I said??? she did not die when she eat, or she would of reacted in some way, just as they both reacted when Adam eat of the fruit....it says clearly its "when he eat" is when the eyes of both of them opened....yes? …..so Adam was disobedient, because he “Adam” felt the Lord said she would die and didn't? But the Lord did “not” tell Adam that “she” would die, the Lord told Adam that “he” would die, then Adam told “the woman” this, thinking she also would die when she eat, yes? Genesis chapter one, The Lord made Adam first, told “him HE” would “surely” die, “then” The Lord formed “the woman” right after The Lord made Adam.....?Interesting? that The Lord did not tell both Adam and “the woman” this “command” before “the fall”???
It's when Adam eat of the tree is when "both eyes opened", so when she eat nothing happened, or she would of reacted, correct? correct. Adam saw she didn't die, felt God lied to him? and thus he eat of it, "THEN" both of there eyes opened.....Genesis 3 “handing down the punishments” The Lord does not say to “the woman” because you did not listen to your husband, The Lord does say this to Adam, because you “listened” to the “voice” of your wife”.
Genesis 4 Eve said, I have gotten a man from the LORD....this proves Eve had repented? as she gives thanks to the Lord for her child....note, Adam says nothing of the sort, anywhere.....nowhere in the bible does it even "hint" that Adam repented, like it at least does for Eve here. On the contrary, whenever Adam is mentioned in the bible, its always in a negative light, as in "what HE did to the world" ......interesting? :-)
"IF" then "the woman" did not die when she eat of the fruit first but it was after "the man, Adam" eat of it, then would this not mean then that the Serpent, Satan, did "not" lie to "the woman" that she would "not" die if "she" eat of the tree?......Satan "used" the woman to get to the man?........Satan "knew" that "the woman" would not die if "she eat of it" so Satan told "the woman" the truth, so Satan could get "Adam" to eat of it?.......Satan "knew" that Adam would see that "the woman" did not die, so then Adam would also eat of it, and thus, then they would "die"........after all, the serpent is called "the most subtle" of all, right? meaning what is so great about what the Serpent did if he just told "the woman" a simple lie and she eat of it then she died?.....but ah.....wait a sec.....IF the serpent "knew" she would "not" die until "Adam" eat of it, then now "that" is "crafty" to get to her, to get to Adam......eh? hmmmmmm
This helped me so much! It is so in line with what God had already revealed to me weeks prior to today. God Bless you and continue to allow Him to use you. This word was encouragement for me. Thank you
ReplyDeleteTo God be the glory Anonymous. If after 2 years, this is still blessing someone. It is all God.
Delete@ Aloted: So sorry, am just seeing this 2 years later. Not sure how come I did not get an alert when you posted it. I am glad you 'felt' it back then. And thanks for directing Nefertiti here too!
@ Neferiti: Forgive me too for just responding to your post. But the important thing is that it cleared up somethings for you. For that I thank God so much. This curse is not a joke and as much as I wrote this, I find mysedlf still struggling....but wisdom is power. It is only what you know understand that you can confront and fight......So when I feel those negative emotions welling up inside me again I recognise where they are coming from and I swiftly ask God for grace to get off that wave length. I do anything, go watch a movie, blast praise music, do a spa treatment, anything to 'mute' those voices......